Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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