He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
not ubering you a puppy
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
