think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
