You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize