I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
