Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
