I wish I could teleport
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
