mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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