Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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