all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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