I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize