I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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