; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
