Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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