they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
