Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Your cock deserves a montage
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
