yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
