i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize