I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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