....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
