No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
50% drunk capacity currently
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
