The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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