the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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