I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
