I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
