Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
