Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
