i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize