I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
