I heard we made out
kristin has been a bad kristin
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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