Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
