need another drink. this is the easiest way
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
