Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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