omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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