a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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