# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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