i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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