Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
