She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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