Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
