You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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