So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
