Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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