I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
