I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
