my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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