Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
