new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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