True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
did i walk over a car last night?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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