Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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