He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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