NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
