I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
