i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
