you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
