I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
