Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
