WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
