if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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