Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
