you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
