alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
