She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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