smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
