My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
