At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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