Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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