Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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