Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
