shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
